Turning 39: Confessions of a Man Still Standing
I turn 39 years old today. There are some that are ahead of me in age, others that lag behind. As we move through life often sprinting, although sometimes being dragged, it’s a curious mind that briefly turns to remember roads traveled and those to come. Allow me to remember so you don’t have to.
Slow Down
A wise Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Life is a journey, not a destination.” This sums up the sentiments well. It’s easy to be wrapped up in work, and preparing for work and more work. A funny thing happened to me last week. I was in NYC all week on business and after the last meeting wrapped. I decided to go back to the hotel, changed, and then headed off to dinner alone. I ended up at this Sushi spot, I often visit when in the city. What was different this time, is I decided that I was going to eat the entire dinner and never once check my cell phones. That’s correct. A long formal dinner with zero phone interruptions. I was simply going to observe. I have to disclose, in all fairness, the first 10 minutes were hell. Needless-to-say, I never checked it. I lived in the moment for the entire 2 hours I was there. It was intriguing, watching interactions, the passing gestures between patrons and sitting alone in observation.
What I realized in those moments is how dependent on technology I had become, ok I’ll say it, addicted really. When I got back home from my travels. I booked a nice restaurant and took my girlfriend out. I left my phones in the car. Whatever it was, it could wait 2 hours.
The lesson: Time doesn’t stop. Absorb the energy of the moment with the ones you love. Decide when to be fully present.
Share Your Knowledge
Boats, planes, fast cars all have appeal. I enjoy them too. That is not where you’ll find happiness (although I really do love flying plane, but I digress). Where you’ll find happiness is at the center of purpose, mastery and autonomy. A large part of that is giving. I don’t mean just handing cash to a charity. Giving your time. This sharing is actively listening and helping someone else grow. Remember that every expert was once a beginner, including the self-proclaimed experts in your office today. Think about that for a moment. The top scientist exploring genomics and mapping viruses once didn’t even know what DNA stood for. The greatest inventor, at one time was just a big kid dreaming on a big wheel. I often find my mind reflecting on this.
My personal story is about scuba diving. I always knew I’d love it. However, until 2004 never tried it. Before I started my first basic open water class, I went out and bought all the dive gear. I mean everything a beginning diver could even dream of needing, from tanks to BCs I had it all. Oh, and I never once had even attempted to go scuba diving. The story doesn’t end there. On my first open water dive, green as I could be as I waited on the dive boat, with big eyes and excitement ripping through me and I asked about a wreck that the boat was going to. This guy replied with a look and a quick “you don’t have the experience to dive that.” It’s hard to explain, or fully capture my emotion but suffice to say that really pissed me off. If you know me, you’ll also know that when I decide to do something, that’s pretty much it-it’s getting done no matter what. I decided right then, that I was going to do every diving course and have no limits on the wrecks that I could dive. I did just that. Dozens of classes and deep technical training with the best divers and teachers on the eastern seaboard I earned my fins as an Advanced Trimix Diver, certified gas blender and a lot other stuff (but to share at another time). I could mix my own gases and had no limit beyond what physical limits due to gas depth restrictions and duration existed. Typically dives would be 7 tanks going to about 250-300FSW (feet of salt water). Often we didn’t even penetrate into the inverted pilot house until 250FSW, which is where the ‘wreck’ part of real giving comes into focus.Over the many years I had the pleasure of diving with some of the best divers in the world. We dove wrecks you could only dream of diving. Also, these wrecks had never been seen by divers before. We were the first to penetrate into the captain’s quarters looking for treasures and the only divers to see them since they settled into their last resting place. The reason I offer this story is there is a beginner out there, that will soon become an expert. Take the time to listen and share your knowledge. I smile with a chuckle when I think of all the fun dives I completed, helping new divers explore for the 1st time. It’s a great feeling and you should share it.
The lesson: Take the time to listen and share your knowledge, smiles are important too.
Reading Makes Your Brain Smaller
OK, so it doesn’t make it smaller physically, but it feels that way. In 2009 I stopped watching TV, cold turkey. I went to Goodwill and donated it. I made an active decision to inject more positive and less negative into my life. This focus on the positive has affected my environment, the people in my life, ideas circling my mind and the behaviors I shadow.
I read 20 minutes a day. Not 1 hour a day, not 5 minutes, just 20 minutes. I also read 4 books at the same time. This means switching between books every day and if I was able to read twice a day, it meant reading two different books in one day. Over the course of a week progress in all 4 books is made. Over the course of a year, end up reading between 30-35 books.
A very good friend, mentioned this reading approach to me. When he first mentioned it I thought he was crazy. The interesting part is, it actually works. As you read you realize you understand topics less and less. You read more and more. Thus your brain shrinks, or you at least feel like it does. In a weird way it’s a very comforting feeling. The value is realized because in order to do this you need to slow down. Your mind calms down. You must allow your mind to focus. Correspondingly as you read your writing improves, your comprehension increases and your conversational English grows specifically around topics you’re reading about. In short, you’re better in conversations and more interesting. This pattern keeps focus on the positive, enables you to grow and keeps you curious asking more questions.
The lesson: Reading makes you smarter, it’s worth the investment in your mental health, to look up from Men’s Health and read something actually of value.
Health is Life
“Those who think they have no time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness” – Edward Stanley (1826-1893)
Don’t let anyone take your health from you. Guard it with your life. It’s that important. It’s better to be alone or jobless and have your health than surrounded by people while you worry in silence. I was fortunate to learn this lesson while working in Boston early in my career. I had just graduated college, working full time for an CEO, paying my way through college, taking a full course load, enrolled in Microsoft MCSE+I certification classes M, W and F from 6-10pm, and graduated with 9 internships (6 really, 3 really sucked). I had a lot of opportunities even before I graduated. I jumped into my first job post college, and did whatever what required. I worked all hours of the day and thought about work 24×7. As a result, the thin string of health which I was squeezing between my finger nails, was lost, my personal health truly was out of control. I was eating out 3-4 times a week and eating nothing healthy. Finally, one day I was getting home from work, and when I climbed one flight of stairs, I thought I was going to die. I couldn’t breath and the few breaths I did manage to steal were way too little. I made a decision then, this would never happen again, never. Even if I had to lose my job and live in a tent in Maine, I was going to workout, no matter what.
It clicked for me that no amount money or fancy cars can replace your health. When you get to the point where it isn’t looking so good, you’ll trade in everything you earned in a second to get your health back. Over the years since, I’d admit I’ve been late for meetings to get in my morning workout. I’ve eaten an apple at every board meeting, and have zero regrets.
Exercise is not only about you physically it’s about you mentally. A strong body empowers a stronger mind. It’s important for your employer to want you to be healthy. Not just for the cost savings of health employees. I’m talking about exercising in order to keep your work performance high. Fit people perform better, it’s a fact.
Since Boston, I have grown a lot. Today I work out 5-6 days a week and twice a week I have a trainer that my girlfriend and I see to kick it up a bit. It’s good to have someone kicking your ass, keeping you accountable.
The lesson: Health is more important than everything, protect it at all costs.
“Laughter is timeless. Imagination has no age, and dreams are forever” – Walt Disney